Friday, April 23, 2010

Bayonetta: The best thing since instant noodles

Everyone knows instant noodles are the shit. Maruchan, or good old Nissin, are fucking classic. Well, until I discovered Bayonetta.

Okay, not really "discovered": I've been playing the thing since January. However, I find that it's such an incredibly rich action title, and just an incredible game in general, that I keep coming back to it regardless of whatever else I'm doing. Food? Fuck it, that means less time for Bayonetta! Work? My boss can blow me. Other games? Why bother? They aren't Bayonetta.

Seriously though, Bayonetta boasts the complex branching combo lists of the Ninja Gaiden games, the ability to free-form and spice up combos with ass-loads of extra moves like Devil May Cry on crack, and a cool finisher system that's something like a mix between God Hands roulettes and reflex-based QTE's. On top of that, the enemies are both challenging and fun to fight (who'da thunk?), and the bosses are so epic they make every other action game boss look like absolute shit. SHIT. Christ, just the first boss (Fortitudo, the two-headed chrome dragon-angel) is so fucking incredible and satisfying to fight the game guarantees a Jizzgasm for fighting it. It says so on the back of the fucking box. (Read: no it doesn't).

Story wise, the game is silly, and rarely gets serious. This isn't a bad thing. I can't begin to tell you how stupid games make themselves look when they present shitty, nonsensical conflicts completely seriously, I.E. Ninja Gaiden. Pull your head out of your ass, please. Bayonetta has a great sense of humor, the voice acting is great, and some of the torture attacks are fucking hilarious.

It's only real flaw is the odd instant-kills the game throws at you, be it during some platforming segments, or during cutscene QTEs. Once you recognize them, they aren't a problem, but knowing doesn't make it any less inconvenient.

Here's a little review of mine, which I published for

Anyway, play this game if you haven't already. PLAY IT. I'm serious.


  1. I totally want to play this game if i can! XD Too bad i dun have a xbox 360!=P

  2. You can also play it on the PS3. I think there is a patch available which improves the performance of the PS3 version of Bayonetta, so you don't have to miss out!