Eiji Aonuma needs to stop developing "Zelda": Redux

As I left off yesterday, Windwaker was flawed, but not a bad game. Certainly not the worst of the Zelda's I've played.

Anyway, a few years after The Wind Waker, Nintendo attempted to address TWW "problems" (read: the art style), by making Zelda more "realistic" graphically. Which means it looks like 3d manga, which as far as I'm concerned is the ugliest graphical style this side of Japan. They called this little "gem" The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Of course, none of the real issues with Wind Waker were addressed, except length. Combat was still simplistic and unimpressive, traveling was still tedious and boring ('cept you ride a horse this time, intead of a boat! See, it's different!). What's more, the story got JRPG'd, so now we get long, boring, poorly editted garbage cutcenes. Jeez, at least Wind Waker had charm.

So you see, I've become disillusioned. The once epitome of Adventure is now scrapping the bottom of the proverbial barrel, not even trying to keep up with developers who innovate and invigorate the genre; instead sticking to a model that is two generations too old.

I really think they need to get the father of Zelda, Shigeru Miyamoto (and only Miyamoto) to direct and supervise the next Zelda, because it's obvious Eiji Aonuma has no damned clue what he wants to do with the series. Seriously, there are trains in Zelda now. Trains. In a medieval fantasy setting. Yeah....

Either that, or give future projects to the Capcom team that developed Oracle of Ages/ Seasons, and the Four Swords series. They did a fine job with Zelda, which is ironic considering a third party developer (Capcom) develops better Zelda games than the in-house, "Mother" development team.

Ass-backwards, I swear.

Eiji Aonuma needs to stop developing "Zelda"

Alright. At the risk of sounding crazy, stupid, or both, let me say this:

I hate Zelda.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I do not like the Zelda series.

But wait! Don't leave yet! Let me explain.

I remember back in '94, when my father drove me to some dark, grimy electronics shop (more like a friggin closet) and asked me what game I wanted. I forget the occasion for this, but I know that, because I saw my neighbor playing it, I wanted to play it too. "The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past". So the disgruntled shop (closet?) owner pulled a brand new copy of Zelda out from his filthy case, and my father shelled out $65 bucks for it. But I didn't care, I was the happiest little snot-nosed kid in the world.

To this day, Zelda: A Link to the Past, (Alttp), is still my favorite game. I dust off my Gameboy Advance once a year to play through it. So what happened? Why the Zelda hate now?

Honestly, I was let down by "The Wind Waker". Much too short, the last segment (the Triforce shard bullshit) was tedious and felt rushed on the developers part, sailing was less fun and engaging than watching paint dry, and the combat was the same simplistic crap as "Ocarina of Time", the first successor to Alttp. I did like Wind Waker's art style, though everyone and their mom ragged on it and it's cel-shaded, "kiddy" style. And it wasn't a bad game, at the end of the day.

To be continued....

"Storytelling" in games, Continued

The Star Ocean series, and quite a few other Japanese Role-playing Games (J-RPGs) I've played, have poorly conceived and/ or written stories. They are often unnecessarily convoluted, overly melodramatic, and terribly edited. I get the impression from watching the story scenes that developers try to cram as much garbage as possible into the games cutscenes because they have some mistaken idea that more content equals better content. Thus, unnecessary tripe that should have been edited out of a games story, isn't.

What's really frustrating, though, is that I feel that the developers aren't even trying. After all, why bother getting creative when you can spoon-feed your audience the same tired crap you fed them before, and your audience gobbles it up regardless? We need writers and developers who don't mind getting creative with the stories, and don't mind trimming the fat down just enough to keep us wanting more, and not forcing forty minutes of dialogue and cutscenes down our throats. Characters who resemble the archetypes of the genre, but through their actions and speech and mannerisms, are as complicated and interesting as the genre will allow.

To hell with petitioning the developers. Writers unite! We can crap better stories than they can dream!

"Storytelling" in games. Who writes this stuff?

Seriously. I just finished Star Ocean 4 for the X-Box 360, and can't help but feel extremely disappointed by the story. If there is one thing that always bothered me about the "Star Ocean" series, it's that all the "alien" races in the games look almost exactly like humans. Pointy ears does not an alien make. So you mean to tell me that completely different ecosystems on dozens of planets millions of light-years apart produced sentient beings that are all nearly identical to one another save for ear-shape, at almost the same time? The odds are ... well, ridiculous. Suspension of disbelief = no longer suspended. It makes no bloody sense.

But then again, J-RPGs are often developed with the anime-fan in mind. Plenty of anime archetypes are recycled in J-RPGs, and so too are the stories and general style. This explains why so many of the characters feel so goddamned similar. It's all modeled after something else. The J-RPGs job then, is to make it's story and characters as interesting as possible, without straying too far from the mold. Star Ocean 4 doesn't get it right, though. None of the characters are interesting enough for me to care about them. A hero with a "strong sense of justice"? The strong-willed but quiet female companion? The seductive assassin looking to avenge her dead love? The silent, arrogant badass? The obnoxiously loud (and terribly dressed) cat girl? Yeah. I think I've seen this all before....

Us writers need to submit something to these developers. They need some fresh blood.

Nothin' like a swift kick to the balls....

Really. Anyone on the receiving end will agree, that there is nothing quite as painful, or as humbling, as a proper testicle-booting. Except maybe playing Capcoms tough-as-nails "God Hand".

This is one of those games though, that leaves a lasting impression on you. An action gaming experience you will remember, and in my case, compare all other action games to. Yes ladies and gentlemen, God Hand is a "good" kick to the balls.

It is probably the most challenging game I've played in recent time. The beauty of the gameplay though, is that frustratingly hard as it is, I never cried out "cheap" or "unfair" like I do when I play Ninja Gaiden, (or sometimes even Devil May Cry). I weave, side-step, and back flip out of any attack the game throws, and if I get hit I know is was because I made a mistake, and not because the game nails me with an attack I couldn't avoid.

What's more, the gameplay is tight. By this I mean everything you need to conquer the game is at your fingertips, but necessary for you to utilize. Easy to access and use, but hard to master. This makes the game feel tight; everything has a purpose, everything fits.

If you are an action buff, you need to play this game. It belongs in you game library, not cold and lonely in some bargain bin. It needs some love!

Why is it so damned good?

Alright, I admit it. I'm a little late to the party. 

I played Okami only a few months ago. (Sue me). But damn, did it leave an impression on me. Anyone who has played it knows why. It's friggin beautiful. The art direction was brilliant (Japanese watercolor? Seriously?), the music was actually good ( I find that too many games get away with crap music), the story was interesting, as were its characters.  Who can forget Mrs. Orange "Raging Demon"-ing her stove to whip up some cherry-cakes for you? The incredible battle with the demon Orochi in the cave shrine? Or Nine-tails on Oni-Island? The sense of awe and warmth at Ammy's recovery, thanks to Issun, during the final battle with Yami? Whats more, the gameplay is solid, if not a bit easy. But hell, I can forgive ease; it's an adventure game, after all, not a hardcore action game. 

What makes Okami such a classic is the fact that the game is a brilliantly polished "whole-package" of a game. Every major aspect of the game, control and gameplay, sound, story and pacing, characterization, is all done beautifully. It is what I would consider the adventure game "ideal". Okami had everything that it needed to do the be a good, memorable game, and it executed it wonderfully. 

What this amounts to is a gaming experience I have not witnessed since my completion of Zelda, A Link to the Past, back in 1994. Okami is now the game I use to compare all other games in this Genre, that's how wonderful it is. If you still have a PS2, I highly, highly encourage you to get this treasure of a game. (It was ported over to the Wii as well, but I heard the port was kinda choppy and unresponsive regarding the Wii-mote controller. I haven't played the Wii version, so I can't say for sure).

Of course, it's not perfect. But the minor gripes feel so insignificant compared to the whole of the game that I may as well not even mention them. So I wont. Buy Okami if you haven't already. Buy it. Now.